this is not my month anymore

like any girls out there ,i love when december came .everything out there getting colder ,and i love it .
i love when i was the first one who wake up early ,inhale the air on december ,looking arround and feel free
i love the trees on december ,its look wet ,not tears ,just the water from sky .
people must glad ,to feel december ,and i'm the only one who waiting for december every year .
but ,beside my favorite about december ,this month remind me ,what HURT mean ,what HURT indeep
i think ,december colder than another month because ,its mean every hurt that people feel combine in one time..
like me ..
so ,i dont know what should i do when december comes ,i feel lonely ,no one .and COLD .
people laugh and having their times together with their favorite one ,and me ?what happened with me ,im alone on my room ,crying while lying on my bed ,shut down my phone ,and listening any entertaining music .hopefully i could forget every HURT in my heart .
when another child ,waiting for their gift from their parents ,i more feel alone ,when no one remember me that im the kiddy too .
im not a girl yet ,not a kid yet ,not a daughter yet ,not a sister yet ,im just alone .with my dreams ,thousand dreams in december ..
i dont have many options in my life ,i just still alive with people who always thinking their self ,egoism and selfish .GOD never take me to the right place ,never ever .
so ,in every i closed my eyes ,it more dark than now .
i cry ,wanna run ,jump and doing what i wanna do .but ,everything so different ,i know i must survive .
when i life alone ,i hope i could get my better life .
hmmm ..the last time i laugh ?maybe i forgot it ,cause it so long long time ago then i couldnt remember that time .
i want ,hmm i mean i need ..i need a good person ,behind me ,make me laugh not because his funny or his stupid act ,but actually because im happy with him .
i need ,the person who never thinking about their self anymore ,he just thinking about me everytime ,everyday ..
i missing the time i can laugh ,with someone ,and doing many stupid act together ,looking december grew up ,hold my hand to walk away on december ,hug me when december make me feel cold ,and truly care ,what happened with me ..
i need the person ,who can make me forget the scared part on december ,and make me laugh ,happy laugh ..
but now ?i have no one beside me ..
i feel sick lonely ,cold lonely and tired lonely .
GOD ,would you show me ur almighty like people said "GOD NEVER SLEEP" ?so what miracle that You'll be able to give me a great happiness !im still waiting GOD ..